Review - XXXXXXX - 37 out of 80

Review - A Visit To XXXXXX (37 out of 80)

Note -the name of this establishment will initially not be revealed. The reason for this is that it was such a shocking experience that we feel that if we described it correctly and accurately we would end up in court for slander. What we propose to do is to record the review, and in 2006 give the proprietor some warning that we are going to return within a two month period and re-review the establishment. Unfortunately due to constraints like having to hold down a real job we are unable to return to complete this before the years end. Once it has been re-reviewed the name will be revealed. Another important point is that we are trying to remain completely anonymous as well so that there can be no favorites.

Food

Eggs Benedict - Eggs Benedict must be the second easiest meal behind dry toast and yet this was a dish butchered more thoroughly than any of the hapless victims of Jack The Ripper.

The Hash Browns were like the debris from the Titanic, floating in a tidal pool of grease and hoping to ride the wave to safety. The cold poached eggs and the accompanying cold water help to solidify the grease but also made them hard like the killer icebergs of the North Atlantic Sea. beneath it all lay th e pasty white bread - not toast but plain no name supermarket brand sandwich slice bread - like a bleached whet skeleton. All of this was covered by an oil-slick-like Hollandaise sauce. Ultimately my Hash Browns were beached on the side of my plate where the grease continued to trickle from their lifeless carcasses.

And then came the bacon. Top marks to XXXXXXX for choose to use heart-healthy chicken bacon, especially in a not-so-heart-healthy meal. Kudos to the chef who made the heart healthy chicken bacon the almost exact color and texture of the trunk that Leonardo Di Caprio clung to before succumbing to the cool embrace of the sea. He also managed to impart into the chicken bacon a lot of the flavor qualities found only in the construction of that same trunk. We gave this meal 2 out of 20 (and 1 of those points was a sympathy point!)

Beef Panini - The filling for the Beef Panini was tasty with a texture of asbestos planking. Unlike the stone cold offering of the Eggs Benedict, this meal came piping hot from the panini press which was just as well as it arrive over 11 minutes later than the other meals. It was served with a generous side helping of deep fried chips, caterers mayo which I quite like, and a big bowl of surly attitude. Aside from being a little chewy, not a bad meal considering. 12 out of 20.

Coffee

Coffee plays a big part of brunch. Its too early in the day to let your mother see you drink the vino you actually want so you settle for a great coffee. Not here. Here you are served a lightly coffee flavored milky - the coffee is weaker than a four year old at a pro arm wrestling competition. 2 out of 10.

Note - just to put the boot in, in general Mall Coffee gets about a 7 to 8 consistently.

Service

Wow. Bad service should be recognized at best as a sin and at worst as a hanging offense. Why? Because we have all had it and we all get upset about it. The service at XXXXXX was worse than bad, it was the worst I have ever struck in an eatery.

The girl at the counter was more than surly, she was downright hostile with a good splash of contempt thrown in. We were obviously a pain when we arrived. She was unimpressed with our ordering, she was annoyed at having to find our missing panini and when she was asked for instructions on finding the toilet she managed to roll her eyes.

True some of the other staff were pleasant and even the chef managed o wave good bye as we left, however we had to walk past “she who guards the display cabinet” while she frisked us roughly with her eyes to try and determine if we were stealing the cutlery.

Because of the work of some of the other staff, the service section got a 3 out of 10.

Cleanliness

9 out of 10. Polished cutlery, very clean fitting and furniture. Even the windows at the front and the rear of the eatery were clean, including those in the toilets. We thought they must have polished the cutlery as they were counting it to make sure that it wasnt being stolen by the cliental.

Toilets

Very clean and functional. Just not obvious as to where they are. 8 out of 10.

Bonus Section

This establishment had a kiddies play area so for that they get an extra bonus point.